Who here has had their heart broken? Who here likes fan-fiction of the YA sci-fi series, Animorphs?
This one's for you.
Uh, look, I mighta had too many shots a' this whiskey
Cuz I been missin' on this little miss I used to be kissin
Now I'm pissin' off a balcony? Blame it on the alc in me
I been turning bourbon to swervin' like this is alchemy
I'm falcony. What do you mean, you haven't heard that word?
I'm sayin falcony, you know, like I'm gonna turn to a bird
With the power that the Andalites gave me
I could be a cow even, I could be a baby, maybe.
Oh, I never mentioned I'm an animorph?
Protecting earth in an interplanetary war?
Takin' the form of different creatures from around the world?
That doesn't matter cuz I'm tryna tell you bout a girl!
She took my heart and decimated it. Berated it,
My soul was strong but now it's faded and-
Oh, you're still thinking about the animorphs thing? No, that- yeah, that's fine. Let's get that, ah, out of the way.
Yes, I'm an Animorph, it's dope as shit.
My battle morph is a panther and it's so legit.
I've killed seven Taxxon, two Hork-Bajir
And I'll never let a yeerk get into my ear
The coolest morph that I acquired was a dinosaur
But I was kinda sore because I cannot travel time no more
So I lost it. No, I've never met a Visser.
Can I talk about my girl now? For real, I miss her.
We met first on a Thursday.
I was thirs-tay from the moment I heard her say,
"Hey, boo. Can I change you for the better?"
I'm like, "J, you better do whatever you gotta to get her."
Cuz she was clearly one of a kind.
I was nearly out of my mind, just tryna stay on my grind.
Impressin' her turned into undressin' her
turned into tryna erase anything that was stressin' her.
We did it all together.
We had a ball together, we hit the mall together.
We morphed into caterpillars, got small together.
Flirtin' through thoughtspeak while we would crawl together.
Oh. Yeah, she's an animorph also.
But that's not relevant to my heartbreak at all, so...
I'ma keep flowin' bout the breakup.
If I answered all your questions, really think about how much time that would take, ugh,
Fine, she's an Animorph and I am too.
Do we fuck as different animals? Of course we do.
Well, of course we did. If you would listen to the kid,
You'd know that me and the lady are fuckin' hittin' the skids.
I feel like I'm trapped in this body. I can't take it no more.
No, I've never met Tobias, that dude who's trapped in a morph.
But I'm tight with the others. Cassie, Marco, Rachel, and Jake.
Those are my real friends. They would never be this fake.
Look. I'ma give you one last chance
to let me vent and try to get over this done romance.
But if you ask me any Axe questions,
I might just kick your ass into the last dimension.
The one that I was chillin' in when fillin' in for Toby
You know, the leader of the free Hork-Bajir? Well, now she owes me.
Cuz she got injured. She got herself in a knee brace.
And asked if I would mind runnin' this errand through Z-Space.
I mean, it's fine cuz I'm a nice guy. Plus, she's got a nice ride.
One a' those Yeerk-made Blade ships? Those things can fuckin' fly.
Hoold on, you did it again. Got me on a anima-tangent, man,
I thought we were friends, dammit!
Fine, I'm over this shit. All outta anger.
I'm headin' back to Angel Grove cuz I'm also a Power Ranger.
all rights reserved