[SPOKEN]
A lotta you playas out there probably think you know everything yo' lady wants. Well, I'm bout to tell you a couple things you may not be givin' em, okay? Let's get to work.

[VERSE 1]

It's Friday night and it's 9PM and you all alone/
Knowin' you girl, you prob'ly got about 9 dudes who blowin' up yo phone/

Like when we gonna bang, when we gonna hang/
when you make it out, whyncha give me a rang?/
Fuck those dudes, they after the same thang/
Can't make time for homies who can't haaang/

Cuz I know wutcha need./
You got the hunger that I got to feed./
You tryna chill, been a hell of a week/
Baby, take off your shoes, slip into these/

Sweatpants, so comfy/
Pillowpet, no lumpy/
I'm ridin', I got white wine/
I hope you DVR'd Nightline/

Don't freshen up, just shut down/
Ain't gotta shave a thing when I come round/
Me fuck you, no that takes prep/
Just wanna veg and get mad wasted/

Don't mind it, girl you earned it/
Wanna watch About Time? I burned it/
Or we could binge- snacks and Orange/
Is the New Black, relaxin', actin' borin'/

[Chorus]

Like Sweatpants and Chardonnay/
Couch life, no par-tay/
Sweatpants and Chardonnay/
No bar today, all Hargitay/

X2

[VERSE 2]

While these dummies tryna FB youuu/
We just gettin' drunk up on some SVUuu/

Like, Mariska. I wanna kiss ya/
Step outta line and the sis gon' frisk ya'/
Fresh outta wine, so we switch to the spritza'/
Lemon lime is the best- delicious.

Let's make gazpacho./
That shit hits the spot, yo/
I kinda wanted something hot, though/
Let's make loaded nachos/

Yeah! Chips, chicken, cheese/
Chop those jalapenos, please/
Chuck those mothafuckin' seeds/
Microwave that masterpiece/

Fuck a sweet tooth, what I gots' a meat tooth/
I say I just passed a lil' gas and you be like, "Me too."/

It's crazy. Platonic shit don't phase me/
That's how my mama raised me./
Fuck a friend zone./
I'm in the mothafuckin' BFF til I'm mothafuckin' dead zone/

Can't knock us down if we never get off the so-fa./
Can't bum us out if we always stay far from so-ba [sober]/
So we live that couch life. Middle fingers up; snuggies made a' teflon./
You know we ain't bout life. We bout two things. Come along if you get on/

[CHORUS]

[OUTRO]
We ain't fuckin', we ain't touchin', it's that good life/
Only marathon we rockin' is The Good Wife.
x2

[SPOKEN]
RIP Josh Charles! Free Piper! I'm out.